Yeah it’s Friday. Don’t even think I’m gonna say “T.G.I.F. Y’all!” NO WAY. You know what, I still get bummed out on Fridays. It’s totally possible. Plus, that giddy little phrase was exiled from me forever since I once had to wear striped suspenders, crouch down at a table and offer things like “Spalunky Munky Milkshakes.” Shove it, TGIF.
Anyway, after the jump is a list of this week’s soul destroyers: The Amazon Kindle, Vampires and Twitter.
The Amazon Kindle: Just because everyone else in a silver pinstriped suit from Men’s Express bought one doesn’t mean I’m going to. Has the future finally arrived? Does everything have to have a technology prefix? Pretty soon it’s gonna be technology milk – vitamin D injected via ear bud with a friendly “splash” screen. Seriously, how am I supposed to furiously underline an LED screen?
Vampires: Anne Rice, I hate you. I read all of your books when I was like, four. I thought Lestat was cool. I remember some scene with a nipple in it. I was like, “Wow, I’m four and probably shouldn’t be reading this. I am so cool.” Time passed and vampires kept popping up. Keanu Reaves in a Dracula bio pic? Please. Wesley Snipes in leather trench coats? Gross. Ask Dylan about Buffy. Then my mom starts reading Twilight and holy shit, there goes America. Here’s how bitter I am: I actually like the True Blood ad campaigns, love the opening sequence. But I’m not doing it. I simply cannot endure another pale faced, ponytail swinging fake David Bowie. You’ve all ruined it for me.
Twitter: We all know what happened yesterday. Now, I’m not mad at Twitter. I love Twitter. They have a mere 20 people in office propping up the biggest thing since the last biggest thing; that’s incredible. What’s bumming me out? The fact that my emotions are wrapped up in technology crack. I’m addicted. I literally shrieked with my hand over my mouth and started perspiring when I couldn’t tweet about something that no one cares about. So, be wary of anything that sounds as easy as “140 characters” or “smokeless tobacco.” Some say you should never even start. I, however, say follow me on twitter please.